The People Who Drive You Crazy Are Not Your Problem, They Are Your Assignment

How Scripture Commands Us to Love the People Who Drive Us Crazy

Dr. James Borishade, CEO of Circle Urban Ministries in Chicago and author of Connecting Across Differences: Skills for Healthy Communication at Work and Home, has challenged Christians to stop running from difficult relationships and instead lean into them.

In a column published by The Christian Post on March 9, 2026, Borishade shared a personal story from his time leading a Bible study at Northern Illinois University. A woman in the group would constantly ask probing questions that irritated him deeply.

But the real breakthrough came when Borishade realized his frustration had nothing to do with her. It was rooted in unhealed wounds from his childhood, specifically his parents' questioning style that left him feeling inadequate.

Scripture doesn't let us stay comfortable in our distance from difficult people.

Years later, after Borishade went through a painful divorce and withdrew from community, the same woman simply reached out with genuine care. No interrogation. No judgment. Just love. She later became godmother to his three children.

Borishade argues that Jesus modeled curiosity toward complicated individuals rather than mere tolerance. Our negative reactions to others, he says, often reveal our own unhealed wounds, not their flaws.

His practical advice is simple but profound: before trying to manage another person's behavior, get curious about your own reaction. Identify where similar feelings originated in your personal history. Removing difficult people from our lives is easier than examining ourselves, but it robs us of the growth God intends.

Why Christians Must Stop Avoiding Difficult Relationships and Start Growing Through Them

Borishade, who holds a PhD from Christian Bible Institute and Seminary, has dedicated his career to reconciliation and identity work. His message cuts against the modern culture of cutting people off at the first sign of discomfort.

The truth, he writes, is that the people who frustrate us the most are often mirrors reflecting the parts of ourselves we have not yet dealt with. And that is exactly where God does His deepest work.

The Crusader's Opinion

We live in a culture that tells you to "set boundaries" and cut off anyone who makes you uncomfortable. Meanwhile, Jesus told us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. Borishade is right. The people who drive you crazy are not your problem. They are your assignment. Every Christian who has ever grown in faith can point to a relationship that refined them like fire refines gold. Stop running. Start listening. That is what Christ did, and He expects no less from us.

Take Action

• Read Dr. James Borishade's book Connecting Across Differences: Skills for Healthy Communication at Work and Home and apply its principles in your church community.
• Identify one difficult relationship in your life this week and commit to approaching that person with curiosity instead of avoidance. Pray for them daily.
• Start or join a small group Bible study at your local church focused on reconciliation and healthy communication.
• Support ministries that bring people together across differences. Consider donating to The Shepherd's Shield to support Christian communities worldwide.
• Share this article with a friend or family member who may be struggling with a difficult relationship and encourage them with Scripture.