From Pain To Power

My dear, this topic is a difficult one. Strangely enough, it feels even heavier than speaking about tragedies we’ve already faced together. The reason is simple yet profound - its spectrum is vast, filled with countless shades, and, above all, I am personally involved.
I’m referring to the wounds inflicted by men who are unresolved - not healthy, not whole, not true Christian gentlemen. And because of that, I must reopen memories and moments we’ve long tried to bury. Bear with me, my dear.
Over time, I’ve realized that the wounds caused by such men often begin with one word: loss.
Loss of trust.
Loss of self-love.
Loss of confidence.
Loss of self-esteem.
Loss of identity.
Loss of sleep.
Loss of hair.
Loss of focus, joy, friends, hobbies, money - loss upon loss upon loss.
And yet, in a strange, almost ironic twist, the only thing that seems to gain is often weight - along with a growing attachment to our favorite comfort foods: pizza, ice cream, chips. But not only that. There are, surprisingly, a few things that can also grow from this pain - things that, if we allow them, might help us heal.

Let me make one thing absolutely clear from the start:
It is never, never, never your fault.
You were not too welcoming, not too kind, not too sweet, not too provocative or too exposed. Do you know why? Because none of that ever gives anyone the right to manipulate, drug, force, hurt, or violate another human being.
If a pit bull can be trained to ignore a raw steak placed in front of it without permission, then no excuse, no circumstance, and no temptation can ever justify a man abusing another person - not physically, not psychologically, not in any form.

I say this with full confidence: people often change their opinions only when suffering touches them personally. Some still do not believe me when I say what is happening, even as it happens to me. I’ve made peace with that. We may not always find justice here on earth, but we can still reclaim our dignity and our peace - especially when we stand together. In the past, I was forced into things I never truly wanted. I believed the words of a grown man who used manipulation to twist my trust - and I was too naive to see it then. Only later this year did I understand how psychological control works, and how easily kindness and faith can be exploited. I’ve learned painfully but thoroughly, this year, to recognize such manipulation and to guard the peace God restored in me. What’s worse is how some look down on women who were trapped in such situations, diminishing their worth simply because they do not understand. Lack of knowledge and empathy - that’s all it is, though they often dress it up as moral judgment.

As long as I breathe, I will defend my sisters. I will fiercely protect every woman spoken of with disrespect, every girl reduced to a vandalized image in careless conversation. I don’t care who they are - and neither should you. Take a stand. Speak up against every demeaning or degrading word said about a woman because of what was done to her. And above all, stand with us when we turn against ourselves - because that happens far too often. When we feel we have nothing left to give, when we start to believe our worth, beauty, intelligence, and purity have been taken from us beyond redemption - fight that thought.
It's a lie.
A lie of the devil, whispered to destroy what God still calls precious. It leads too easily to self harm and despair. But truth is stronger. You are not beyond restoration. You are not beyond love.

If you’ve been through it, you already know what self-criticism feels like. You know what true anger or deep sadness can do to the soul - even if, by God’s grace, not everyone experiences it the same way. But if you’ve walked that valley, let me guide you through the first five rules from the Woman’s Manual, lessons that helped me rebuild after my own experiences.

Some of us are still under the influence of a man; in the cycle of doom scrolling hate videos or victim videos with no chance whatsoever to see and do different things and sometimes we can't leave because there's no other place to go. In that case my dear, if you ever need to stay alone for a while, you can ask asylum at monasteries or from relatives while you actively talk to a therapist to overcome the trauma. Your surroundings play a part in it.
Quit being a people pleaser as much as possible: you are no longer endlessly available. You are rebuilding a damaged system and that alone is sacred work. Walking away mentally will be the hardest step; I know it well. Yet, once you actively walk away from the rest, you are already giving yourself the chance to move on. 

Returning to such simple routines might feel unbearable at first. You may not even recognize yourself in the mirror yet. That’s all right. It takes time, sometimes years, but discipline in care will quicken your healing. Learn again to appreciate your own touch: sometimes to embrace yourself on the shoulders or your stomach can help a lot - at least it did with me, I genuinely hugged myself like a child and that reminded me that I was safe and loved.
Also, feed yourself with foods that truly nourish; healing also begins from within. And when you’re home, light that candle you’ve been saving for a special occasion. You are the special occasion. Prepare a comforting drink, set out a small plate of something you want to snack on, and treat yourself as you would treat a special guest. That beautiful pajama or dress you’ve kept aside for later? Wear it for yourself. Honor your body, it'll slowly go back to normal.

Healing is not only about mending what was broken, it’s also about becoming stronger, wiser, and more graceful than before. To grow your character means to take responsibility for shaping the woman you wish to become. If you lack a positive example in your personal life, that’s all right, you can draw inspiration from history, literature, or even old films. Choose women of good sense - at least don't pick Lara Croft of Mrs Smith, that's all I'm saying - you mustn't emulate the person in his whole or imitate their lives: only take inspiration off her clothing style, posture, healthy behaviors, hairstyles, strenght. You name it. It really helped me!
Try new hobbies, listen to music that uplifts, visit art galleries, walk in nature. These experiences will remind you that freedom and beauty still exist, that life holds goodness beyond pain. Finally, if you can, use your pain, anger, even fear as a fuel in a sport. It is vital that your body stays active during this process.

We can do nothing on our own, the Lord is the sole reason we are breathing now. So it doesn't matter how, when, how long during the day, but you have to open your heart to him. Last night I was just apologizing to him for being so fragile, so humanly flawed that I couldn't (still can't) pray as much as I would like to and I felt ashamed, ungrateful and unworthy. Later I saw a video of Him saying "just come home".
That is all He asks.
He only wants to hear your voice directed to him. Sometimes we get lost in long reciting prayers but it's not enough: talk about what is happening to you, he obviously knows but he wants to hear your voice. This is a great way to cast his worries upon him and you'll be feeling better immediately after you do it. Plus he always delivers answers, you need to let your soul catch them. So go acknowledge him.
And please, do not believe that what happened to you was His will and He has not forgotten you, nor turned His face away. He is the One who aches with you, who counts every tear - the visible ones and the hidden ones.

When I first spoke about loss, I meant it - loss of trust, peace, and self. Yet even in the midst of this pain, there are surprising things that can grow. From these experiences, we learn what we do not want, what we do want in a partner, and most importantly, what we desire and deserve for ourselves. It brutally removes the illusion from our eyes and life hits us with its honesty. That's exactly when you get tough. Never have I heard someone be tough without going through hell. Trust me - after that hell - you are not only reclaiming what was taken but also gaining clarity, a whole lot of wisdom, and a good pair. Pain, while never desired, can really put life into perspective guiding us toward deeper self-respect and empathy.

Scars remain, yes, but even scars can be respected. They testify that you survived, that you chose to stand up and trusted your Lord, you didn't let the devil win. He stood his chance at defeating you but Christ had you, his grace was at work even in the darkest moments. Every tear, every sleepless night, every whispered prayer was seen and held by God. So now, when you look at your reflection, see not the girl who was broken, but the woman who has learned from her pain, who brutally knows her worth, and who can now stand unshaken and alone. You have not lost everything. You have gained resilience.

Healing is not forgetting, it's transforming. When you are ready to date again, recognize your limits, own your values and be ready to defend them, neither your boundaries or your faith in Christ are up for compromise.
It's evident you have to grow and cultivate a strong character - spoiler, no one can do it for you - otherwise life can and will eat you alive.

Keep the Lord as your shield and keep on going, revenge is His.