The Church Is Killing Its Own: How Spiritual Bypassing Silences Suffering Christians

Spiritual Bypassing: How Christians Use Faith to Avoid Real Pain and Suffering

A growing number of Christian counselors and theologians are raising alarms about "spiritual bypassing," a practice where believers use Scripture and religious platitudes to avoid processing genuine emotional pain.

Writer Kaeley Harms addressed the issue in a recent column for The Christian Post, comparing the practice to a gastric bypass that reroutes food around the digestive system. In the same way, she argues, spiritual bypassing reroutes believers around the very struggles that lead to authentic spiritual growth.

Harms recounted a Bible study where a woman who was processing the pain of her divorce was told by another member:

"If you actually have faith in God, He can't disappoint you."

Rather than comforting the hurting woman, the response sent her underground with her doubt, now alone and newly ashamed of her struggle.

The practice, Harms argues, confuses emotional suppression with spiritual surrender. When Christians are told to simply "trust God" or "have more faith" in the face of grief, loss, or trauma, it makes pain feel like a personal failure rather than a normal human experience.

But Scripture tells a different story. David cried out to God in agony. Job questioned the Almighty directly. Elijah begged for death under a juniper tree. None of them lost their faith for expressing doubt and despair.

Harms concluded that admitting weakness is not spiritual failure. Instead, it is the very place where divine strength becomes evident. Authentic faith, she wrote, requires believers to walk through the messy, painful parts of life rather than pretending they do not exist.

Why the Church Must Stop Dismissing Pain With Bible Verses and Empty Platitudes

Christian counselors say the damage from spiritual bypassing is widespread. When a grieving person hears "God has a plan" instead of "I am so sorry," the wounded are left feeling dismissed, disregarded, and even spiritually gaslighted.

The solution, experts say, is embodied faith: a faith that includes emotions, grief, anger, and honest questions alongside trust in God. It means mourning with those who mourn, as Scripture commands, rather than rushing to fix their pain with a verse.

The Crusader's Opinion

We have become a Church that is terrified of tears. Somewhere along the way, we decided that sadness equals sin and that doubt equals defection. That is a lie straight from the pit of hell. Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus. He sweat drops of blood in Gethsemane. If the Son of God Himself did not bypass His own suffering, who are we to tell a grieving widow to "just trust the plan"? The Church must be the safest place on earth for a broken heart, not a courtroom where pain is put on trial.

Take Action

• If you are struggling with grief, trauma, or doubt, reach out to a licensed Christian counselor. Visit the American Association of Christian Counselors to find one near you.
• Start a conversation in your small group or Bible study about how your church handles pain. Ask: "Do we make room for honest struggle here?"
• Read the Psalms of Lament (Psalm 13, 22, 42, 88) and discuss them in your next Bible study to normalize honest cries to God.
• Support ministries that serve the hurting and persecuted. Donate at www.TheShepherdsShield.org to help Christians in crisis around the world.
• If you know someone walking through a painful season, reach out today. Do not offer a verse. Just say: "I see you. I am here."